KnightStriker

How can one over come shyness and gain confidence

12 posts in this topic

Well I have always been shy around people and I don't have any confidence in my self I have been through a lot in the past which make it harder for me to trust people cause I have been backed stabbed and been use that is why I am very nervous being around people . So I was wondering on how a person can over come their shyness and gain confidence in themselves to not be so nervous..

Cause also even tho I am old I just have a low self esteem and can get hurt very easily on my feelings that it why I am nervous about playing on any fps multiplayer online games like tf2 etc I am always nervous about being made fun of etc so how does one over come this kinda of things to over come their shyness and to gain some confidence in them.

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I know that feel bro. I tend to be on the shy side as well. I know this might sound odd, but I think the best way to get over it is to get out there in the world and meet people. As for being a bit on the emotional side, no offense of course, I don't really know to say. That's something I feel you just have to work at on your own. But I think as you grow more confident in yourself and those around you, the feelings that get hurt easily will get tougher. (Odd wording for that sentence, sheesh).

I am definitely not a professional at giving advice to say the least, but I do have quite a bit of experience. Heck, I am still working my way into being a more confident and social person. I'm 23 and prior-military so you would think I would be more extroverted, but nope. After coming to this community though I've made some friends and I must say that I talk quite a bit more and gained some confidence in my gaming abilities at least. Not only that, but my ability to make friends. I've been back-stabbed and lied to and all that, and it hurts, it really does. It's just one of those things you just have to steel your mind for. I don't think anyone can give advice on how to do that, unfortunately.

If there's anything that's really bothering you and you need someone to talk to, send me a message on steam or on here. My Steam ID is in my profile. I'll be more than glad to listen. And I'm sure that goes for most everyone on this site as well. We're all just too happy to help and see another person's day get a little bit brighter.

Edited by Trixie™

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There's nothing wrong with being shy!

People say I talk too much XD

Low self esteem on the other hand could be a problem. No real trick to it, just forget the past. Everyone's been bullied/hurt before, but you gotta have the will power to be strong and look past it.

Also, talking to a friend about your bad experiences can help. Whenever I talk to my friend about that sort of stuff, we usually make it seem funny and I start to forget about it.

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I find getting over my shyness is really helped by acting. ever since grade 8 i've been taking an acting course, and it's slowly helped remove my shyness over the years, especially the improvisation unit.

This of course implying you're still in school. otherwise i'm not so sure

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I have been shy my whole life in the real world. Three years ago, I couldn't even look someone in the eye. The way I got over most of my shyness is by time, making sure to smile once in a while, and telling some people I feel close to what I felt, so I wouldn't feel shut in. You should also build up courage to not worry what other people might think of you, because you know you're an awesome person. The internet can be a lonely place, but once you find your courage and happiness with friends, you'll feel alot better and on the top of the world. If you need anything you can contact me too. :)

Edited by Unlimitedcat

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I used to be extremely shy in my younger days. There isn't a straight out roadmap to overcoming this..but I'll tell you what's helped me overcome it.

1. Walk with your head held up high and eyes straight forward. Don't walk with your head down and stare at the ground. If someone speaks to you, keep eye contact.. I know it seems silly but if you act and move without confidence, you wont gain any confidence in yourself. Raising your self esteem is important!

2. Be vocal. Speak more, don't keep to yourself. I'd say get on the TF2 server sometime with us. We're all a friendly lot. Competitive but we're friendly. If someone gets you good, compliment them. They might start talking back and now you've got yourselves a nice conversation. Heck maybe the start of a rivalry. Sometimes you just gotta throw yourself in the fire .

3. Try and do more social things. Kinda ties in with the previous one..but even if you don't do much, try and do more social activities. Sit down with someone at lunch that you don't exactly know and say "Hi". Maybe he was in your class and you guys had a test. Bring it up and see what happens. Join a club or something! I joined martial arts and I feel like it was pivotal in getting over my own shyness. Heck just being here and asking for help already is a good first step. =)

4. If someone does become unpleasant forget about them. Bullies pick on people just to feel good about themselves. It's quite pitiful they do shit like that to get approval. Theres always gonna be a bully but you gotta develop some thick skin. If someone tries to pick on you, literally follow the site creed. "Love and Tolerate the shit out of them". Smile and go about things like normal. If one thing gets on a bully' nerves, it's being ignored and their taunts not working. If they resort to violence then they've literally played their last card. Congratulations! You've rattled them into it and they lost the game of nerves. If you feel like violence is looming over you, make sure you stick close to where the teachers can see it. If they do their job, they'll get in trouble and you get off scott free. If you're threatened just keep your cool. Most of the time bullies are just empty bluffs and blowhards. After that, that bully should stay away. He can't hurt you with his words and he'll only get in trouble if he touches you.

In general you've gotta push yourself to do things you wouldn't normally do. Take a risk and do something social. You've got to remember words are only words. Words can't physically hurt you. Grade/High school's the worst of it. If anything just remember. Any to all bullying seems to quit after you make it into college. Seriously I think maybe..only once I've been bullied around on a college campus. I just laughed at them saying " You think this is still high school? You're really funny the way you're wasting money to stick around a school to enlarge your own ego. Good luck with your low end job". With that I just walked away .

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There isn't much I can add over what's already been said as it's all really good advice. I don't know what you do for a living but if I had to guess, it's not in the public eye? I used to be a little nervous when meeting people but after a string of face to face customer service jobs I got over that pretty quick. I've never really been "shy" I guess, but what little shyness I once had is more or less gone thanks to those sorts of jobs. I'm not saying change your job, but as has been mentioned already, you just kind of have to throw yourself to the wolves, so to speak, and get out there.

That being said, if your shyness and fear of rejection is really, really bad, and I'm being 100% serious here, if you can, try psychotherapy. It won't be immediate but it has a good chance of helping.

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I find getting over my shyness is really helped by acting. ever since grade 8 i've been taking an acting course, and it's slowly helped remove my shyness over the years, especially the improvisation unit.

This of course implying you're still in school. otherwise i'm not so sure

You're not allowed to be self-conscious while Acting. I don't act myself, but I imagine that's almost rule #1 you get drilled into you. I'll admit, in retrospect I personally regret not getting involved in Drama club or something like that when I had the chance.

As people have been saying, the most blunt way to put it is to force yourself into uncomfortable situations. In my case, it was through Trading Card Games and Dungeons & Dragons at my local game shop. One of the best ways to stop being introverted is to find a common interest to start with - to that end, on multiple occasions when this question pops up on Ponychan /dis/, I'll recommend that the person get a microphone and go find a TF2 server and get involved.

With Trading Card Games, I would recommend Magic the Gathering. The game is well established, so it has a decent player base, and they'll always be willing to help someone that asks. You can put together an okay deck with pure Commons, and some stores have thousands of them sitting around that you can pull from if necessary. If they don't, then prebuilt structure decks can be bought for $20-$30 (depending on the format) that are still pretty good.

With tabletop RPGs like Dungeons & Dragons, it's all about communication (strategy and whatnot), and if you find a group that likes doing the roleplaying thing, well then everyone is going to be making themselves look like a fool anyways. The nice thing about Dungeons & Dragons as well is that as a newcomer, if you find an established group, you don't have to invest that much into it yourself. If you're joining an established group, they should have all the books you'd need to make a character (and the experience to tell you how to play the game), and the most you'd likely need in that case is about $15 for a 7-piece dice set (plus snack and meal money - first rule of Dungeons & Dragons: the DM never buys his own dinner).

If you're concern in either case is about doing something wrong, then you're more than welcome to ask and you'll find people are very much willing to tell you. I've had people offer to look through my MtG deck and critique it, telling me what I don't need and what I'm missing, and Dungeons & Dragons is very lenient on mistakes thanks to the human "computer" that is the DM. If you make a mistake, you'll know it and learn from it and the DM can make sure it doesn't spiral out of control.

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I guess my question is, are you shy or just an introvert. The difference is, one is a preference (introvert) while the other is more a barrier to communication (shy).

People will often get the idea that introverts all want to be extroverts, and just need help breaking out of their shell. This, is annoying. So if you feel you need to break out of this because that's what others tell you, I'd not worry about it so much.

If it's actually shyness, and you want to be more outgoing for your own reasons, then I'd work on it.

It was actually acting lessons that helped me as well. Aside from that, I tried just saying hi to strangers. Just a friendly "good morning" as you walk past. Try to look them in the eye when you do this. If they respond, great, if they don't, no biggie. You're just practicing eye contact and initiating conversation in a no stress environment. Saying "good morning" to a strange is a little odd, but not freaky. And there's about zero chance of then getting pulled into an awkward conversation.

I'm an introvert by nature, but being practiced at being outgoing and engaging is helpful for any career and making friends.

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I used to think I was an introvert. A lot of people in my family are, including my mother. So I just followed suit.

But I've learned since coming here I've learned that I'm really a friendly and talkative person. I'm not an extrovert by any means. I hate being the center of attention--and I'll never be a party person. Too many people overwhelm me. But I'm a lot less introverted than I ever thought I was.

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I'm pretty shy most of the time, as well, but two places in my life have allowed me to 'shine'. The SCA (a medieval recreation group) and here.

I think the common factor is that you get to name yourself, have your own persona if you want to. Here I am Cinnamon Groove. There I was Lord Vincent of Lancaster (the title was earned). I think the ability to re-create yourself in places like these allows you to let go of the baggage you normally carry around with you. There is also something to be said about the anonymity of the internet. While it does tend to bring out the worst side of some, in my case it allowed me to just be myself, or at least what I strive to be.

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I used to be shy when i was in Middle School and Elementary School. As i got older, i just started talking to more people instead of the teachers. I joined in conversations such as Anime and drawing and now that i look back, i made over 10+ friends in High School and it was great.

I would suggest try starting a conversation with some people. Ask them what their likes and dislikes are. Bring up video games or somethin. If they try to hurt your feelings, don't let it hit you in the face. Just let it WOOOSH over your head and shrug it off. It's hard but it'll help, this is coming from a girl who used to be sensitive as a kid.

Edited by JazyKuun

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