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PK Rockin'

An explanation I owe

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Hey everybody. The following is sort of the explanation of what happened a year and a half (oh god that's a long time) ago, and why I don't really post much/ at all anymore. If you don't know what I'm talking about the rest won't make much sense.

 

I am a chronic procrastinator. Always have been, probably always will be. I should be writing essays right now, but whatever. That thing I planned, the anniversary celebration thing, was something I'd been planning for a while because I though it would be something fun. So of course I wait until the night before to write everything up/ make the picture. Now, I was also supposed to leave for a sort of vacation that day, and it was probably going to be the most fun I had all summer. Leading up to this, I had a lackluster school year (I.E. some B's) and my male parental unit blamed it mostly on the videogames. TF2 was basically everything wrong with the world (and it kind of still is). Anytime he saw the game, he got mad. Anytime he didn't see the game, he said i was only playing the game and would get mad (later he said it wasn't the game that made him mad but me talking, and then he proceeded to get even more angry when I no longer responded to him). About three times a week he would go to bed for 5 minutes, get up and come to my room in his underwear, and threaten to smash the computer with a golf club because I wouldn't stop playing the game (even when I wasn't). A few times he even went and got the golf club, some rusty seven iron that had been sitting in the garage for years. Needless to say some ugly dude with half red eyes in his underwear with a rusty golf club is a bit unnerving. So things had been coming to a boil for a while. So I finished writing all the stuff, finished making that supa-cool picture, I forget how I got it all to Robo because I had him post it. It was 4am when I heard the angry footsteps, and it was gg from there.

 

SUMMARY: Teenage angst + angry parents = conflict

 

So male parental unit storms in and executes the angry yelling protocol. I don't really remember what was said, but he assumed gaming and I wasn't about to say I was putting together a thing for my favorite MLP themed online community. Feelings of self worth were crushed. Awesome plans for next few days were dashed. Cried for the next hour and a half in bed from crushed feelings of self worth. Hear cables ripping. Woken up at 7am, taken to work instead of vacation thing. Spend the next 12 and a half hours moving dirt, mixing concrete, carrying bricks, ect with guys that only speak spanish (No puedo hablar). Still crushed feelings. Ipod is my only way of accessing the internet because male parental unit was unaware it could do that. Proceed to remove everyone except 5 people and remove everything that was personalized. Messaged Robo a bunch of stuff, had him post what I wanted (I think it ended up being removed). Planned to give away my steam account in the thing, had a few games and a pretty decent TF2 inventory, plus I was overreacting massively and thought I would never game again. Became kinda messed up for the next week or so, didn't really speak to anyone. Contemplated self worth at night. Didn't sleep well. I lightened up a bit and spent my free time sleeping on the couch/watching TV. Parental units become much happier in demeanor because "I'm not wasting my time sitting in front of that screen".

 

SUMMARY: Teenage angst + conflict = overreaction

 

Month and a half passes, get brave and ask when I can have computer back. Hopes are shot down. I eventually found where he hid it, and about two weeks later I got it back. I was still in pieces about the whole thing. I never reached the hours/2 weeks I would normally had, and I stopped posting here. I think the persisting bad memory of it is sort of what keeps me from starting again, but I'm no psychologist. I still hate being in the presence of the male parental unit for really any reason, even though we have a perfectly healthy relationship. I tend to demonize him, and I really have no reason to. I live a pretty damn privileged life. The reason it bothers/ed me so much is that I know I disappointed the parentals for a year leading up to that, and I feel like I let the community down because I fucked up a thing that was supposed to be fun for everyone. But mostly, I think I'm just a bit disappointed in myself because I feel like I should be able to handle everything. Iunno man. 

 

Summary: I'm bad.

 

So that's more or less the gist of what happened. Even though I stopped posting I still visit the side mostly every day and still like to play on the servers. So even though I left, I sort of never did. Well, I pretty much did. And if you're wondering why I'm posting this, I think it's because I told someone I would eventually. I don't really like sharing my problems because I feel like it would bother people, even though I know people, esp. in this community, are pretty cool. So yeah.

 

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IDK about everyone else, but so much feels.

 

I can easily say I've had angry parents come storming into my room, ready to destroy my PC. Replacing a CPU is not fun either...

 

 

Haven't known you for as long as everyone else PK, but I'm sure everyone involved understands.

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Dang man, we never talked much but I can tell you that you need to try to find some sort of outlet for your self-esteem problems.

 

I can relate all too well with how you feel and how your male parental unit acted. My parents used to do the same thing when they saw me playing video games. It was rather unbearable. The best thing I can think of you doing like I said before: Find an outlet to let go some of your feels and a way to release stress that you may be feeling. It's hard because I can take a guess and say that it was video games that were your outlet. but you can try to find some sport or small thing to do.

 

I sincerely wish I could help more than just posting here. I hope you sort things out soon.

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