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I'm starting this thread because every once in awhile, I have something really heavy to get off my chest. I welcome everypony else to use it for the same purpose.

Also, any feedback or words of encouragement you have for anypony on this thread would be great.

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Here goes.

A bit of background: My father died from Wegener's Disease when I was fifteen, literally two days after my birthday. Mom eventually re-married, and my stepfather is just as close to me and my brothers as a father could be.

He now has cancer, has battled it for the last few years, but is now in hospice at home, basically waiting out his last days in as much comfort as possible.

Today, Thanksgiving, I went over to the get together. Quill and I arrived ahead of everyone else. Mom was out on her daily walk yet, so it was us and him.

At one point during the conversation, he gives me a slip of notebook paper with a bible verse written on it. He has one for me and each of my brothers.

I think it's near the end, he's gone on two years longer than the docs said he would, and I think these are his way of sharing final advice.

I looked at it, but could not get my eyes to actually read the passage. I folded it up, and tucked it into my vest pocket.

Guys, I am so bucking scared of that little slip of paper right now.

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Yikes, that is heavy indeed. I am not really sure what to say... hmm, well you should probably read the note as fast as possible or you might start blaming yourself for not reading it soon enough after he have passed and that is always a unpleasant problem to deal with. And condolences, it must be really hard for you this and I know how it is to lose loved ones, but always remember that we will be here to support you through your times of sadness if you ever need someone's virtual shoulder to cry on. Take care and be sure to spend the time you have left with him as good as you can.

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I would probably read the note.

If it is something very important, you won't want to miss it, or read it when it's too late.

As for words of encourage ment, I'm not very good at this kind of stuff. But for a fellow Brony in need, I'll give it hell! But I have no idea how it must feel to loose a loved one that's very close to you. The closest relative I've ever had die was my aunt, and I didn't know her too well. But you've got a giant community right here behind you if you ever do fall. So if you do fall, and can't seem to get back up, PLEASE send me a message! I'd be glad to help you out!

Keep looking for that light at the end of the tunnel, I know you can make it.

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@Cinnamon

You really should read the note. Better to address it head-on, no matter hard it is, then to be haunted with regret for who knows how long afterward.

I don't believe in the idea that internet friendships are less valid than IRL ones, so what ever that note says, just know we'll be here for you. And that applies to all my friends here. That's just what friends do.

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Well just remember that no matter what happens, your loved ones will always be with you in your heart. Enjoying life with friends and family is life's most generous gift.

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My condolences to you and your family Cinnamon. My grandfather died two days before Christmas last year; he was bed ridden and on a resperator for the last wee or so. It was hard for me because it was the first time someone really close to me had passed. The best thing to do is just to make him comfortable and happy for his final days. I would read the note; the longer you let it weigh on you the worse you're going to feel.

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I would read it, before he passes away. Perhaps it is something profound and touching, and you may have the opportunity to thank him. Wait, and you could miss that chance.

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Thank you guys.

I've been fighting wiht this all night. It would be so easy for me to just let it go, stay in my comfortable circle of fear and ignorance, treat this letter like some kind of taboo, some cursed thing. Part of me wants to beleive that by not reading it, it will somehow prolong his life, but that's just a cop-out.

You guys are the best of friends. You've been telling me what I NEED to hear, not what I WANT to hear.

So I'm gonna read this now. I'm gonna post it here, too.

It is a bible verse, so if you're turned off by this sort of thing, just skip the next paragraph.

Ok, here goes:

You Are a Brand New Idea From Heaven!

I TIM 5:18 vs4-But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents for this is pleasing to God.

vs8- If anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially for his immediate familyhe has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

There it is. Wasn't as heart-wrenching as I had thought.

Thanks for the support, guys. I probably would not have read this if it wasn't for you all.

Once again, you have helped me to get over myself, and I love you all.

Edited by Cinnamon Groove

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Don't be so hard on yourself mate, it's normal to act like that in situations like these. And many hugs and brohoofs from me aswell.

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Me again, guys.

My stepfather called this morning. He wants to talk about the note he wrote me. Started going on about how my brother wasn't taking it too well, then Mom came home, apparantly. He doesn't want to talk about this in front of her, for obvious reasons, so he cut off the convo, to be continued.

I was ready to talk about it too, but the waiting for him to call back is killing me. And now I'm stsrting to doubt what I want to say.

Not to be blunt, but I wanna just say, "You're gonna die. Soon. I'm ok with that, ready for it even. You want to make sure we look after mom when you go. You need to have faith in us. We've always been a strong family, and we'll take care of it. I kinda hope you make it past Christmas. Even into the spring would be nice. That way we have more reasons to get mom out of the house than we would in the winter. But whenever you go, be assured that we will take care of mom for you. And I'll be strong for rmy brothers."

Funny thing is, normally I'm about an emotional wreck. But when shit actually goes down, I tend to be the strong one of us, even though I'm the youngest. Not really sure how that works.

Anyway, any fedback or moral support you guys could send my way would be much appreciated.

Thanks.

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I think saying those words would be the right thing, Cinnamon. It must be really hard to face someone's death like that--and it takes a lot of courage. But better to be blunt and practical than avoid saying what everyone knows what's going to happen. It sounds to me that you generally have the right idea about how to effectively deal with these kinds of situations--but it's easy to start second guessing yourself. Draw strength from your family. Let them support you as you intend to support them.

I hope you can feel supported by the community here as well. I like to think we're all good friends.

Funny thing is, normally I'm about an emotional wreck. But when shit actually goes down, I tend to be the strong one of us, even though I'm the youngest. Not really sure how that works.

Honestly, I think I fill the same role in my family--on both cases. I'm also not really sure why that is.

Edited by Rainbro Dash

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I think you're doing the right thing, just make sure to stay strong, which I'm sure you won't have a problem doing. I think Rainbro said it perfectly.

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Didn't mean to leave anypony hanging. Nothing else came after that first phone call. Maybe he realized the calls were unneccessary.

Anyway, we got through the holidays. Had to have Christmas in the living room (we usually have it in the basement) because he was too weak to make it down the stairs, and didn't want us to carry him. It was a little cramped with everyone there, but nice.

He got real sick a few days before Christmas, and we were just hoping and praying that he would make it past Christmas, at least for the sake of the little ones.

Mom thinks he's gonna go anytime now, so the next time I post on this, it'll probly be it.

I wanna thank you guys for your advice and support through this. You're true friends, in that you tell me what I need to hear, and not what I want to hear.

So, thanks, everypony

Edited by Cinnamon Groove

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This is really nothing as bad as anything already said here--but I'm having some family issues again. They're worse now, but I hope I've taken measures to ultimately fix the underlying issues rather than treat the superficial symptoms.

I know I'm being vague, because in truth, describing the issue sounds really silly without context, and to give that context might take a little while--and it may still sound silly to some people.

But it comes down to this: I'm not happy with certain circumstances with my home life. In expressing my concerns, I've somewhat estranged myself from my family and especially my mom. I don't think they quite understand what my issues are and they might be taking it the wrong way. Part of the problem is that no one has known about these issues of mine for a few years--bringing it up now suddenly is part of the reason why it's so disruptive. But I had to do the assertive thing and be true to myself--even if it causes conflict.

I went for a walk after part of the argument. I walked a lot, cried a little, thought about doing a few stupid things, then decided I wasn't that stupid. I had a lot of hateful thoughts about myself and my family, but I realized that I don't really feel hateful at all. Just injured. Then I realized that all I was doing was feeding an endless cycle of self-pity. I stopped that. I'm still very upset, but I'm at least resolved within myself now.

So as I'm sitting here posting, I'm working up the nerve to express the second half of my conflicts. These are what I'm really worried about. But the wound is already open. If I don't get it all out now, I'm afraid it will close again, unhealed--only to come up again later, perhaps even worse.

So yeah. . .

Edited by Rainbro Dash

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Whatever the situation, let me reassure you that things will get better, even if you don't think so. About 2 years ago, my parents and I had this very violent relationship for about a week due to a very bad report card. I tried to think ahead when things were better, but knowing it will take a long time, I didn't think it would happen.

Perhaps you could explain some minor details about what happened between you and your family. Whatever the sole reason, I highly hope you'll feel better soon, and I wish you the best of luck.

Edited by Zelcface

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Oh, my mom and get in so much fights it's crazy ^_^;

We're just so different that our opinions are like opposite.

But like they say, the closer you are to someone, the more you'll fight. You're openly honest about your thoughts with your parents at least.

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I don't mean to pry, but if you did fill in the details, it might help to get outside perspective on the situation. Whatever it is bothering you couldn't possibly be considered silly if it hurts that much. Even if you didn't want your specifics out in the open, it may be good to one-on-one with someone.

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Oh dear... I really wish you the best of luck with that, and if you feel you need to talk about it in private, I am always here to listen and support you mate. And I am really glad you didn't do anything stupid. Remember that if such horrible thoughs come to your mind again, you always have alot of friends here that would have lost a great friend if you where to fall out of our lives.

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