2079 posts in this topic

Fights and arguments with family always hurt badly, but fortunately they very rarely last for that long. I don't know what it was that triggered it off, but I hope you manage to sort it all out. Good luck Rainbro!

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My mom is avoiding me. . .

I don't mean to pry, but if you did fill in the details, it might help to get outside perspective on the situation. Whatever it is bothering you couldn't possibly be considered silly if it hurts that much. Even if you didn't want your specifics out in the open, it may be good to one-on-one with someone.

There is perhaps a certain catalyst that caused all this, and I'm not really comfortable talking about--like I said, it sounds silly to even me. But ultimately it's a small part of a greater issue; I need to move out of this house. My mom seems to think that I'm so incredibly distracted by this community that I've discovered that family doesn't mean much to me anymore--what a horrible accusation.

But I do need to start forging a life outside of my family. Tell me guys, is that not the natural thing to do?

I've lived a very sheltered life, with pretty much my only friends being my family members. In some ways I'm okay with that. But at this point in my life I NEED to move out--for my own sense of independence--I feel stifled in this house. My mom is making it impossible to do so gracefully. She seems to think I just want to abandon everyone here, or something to that effect. I'm not really sure why--but I have a theories.

I hope no one thinks negatively of my mom though. All these years she's been the best parent I could ever hope for, but this one issue has been a serious rift in our relationship.

Oh dear... I really wish you the best of luck with that, and if you feel you need to talk about it in private, I am always here to listen and support you mate. And I am really glad you didn't do anything stupid. Remember that if such horrible thoughs come to your mind again, you always have alot of friends here that would have lost a great friend if you where to fall out of our lives.

Thanks for the concern, but I wasn't even thinking about doing something that stupid. Just other self-destructive things, but nothing at that level.

Edited by Rainbro Dash

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That does sound like a horrible accusation.

But...

It's probably not entirely unfounded.

If you started spending more and more time out of your day in this community, that means you're spending less and less time with your family. I'm currently on your Mom's side of the same issue in my house, but to a more subdued extent.

Quill is a very creative person, both a writer and an artist. We actually met through her stories, and much of our friendship was centered on them, as well as other creative ventures. Shortly after we got married, she started to RP on forums. I joined her at first, but never felt comfortable there. She continued them, but most died off, except for one she continued with her one friend. That goes on a few hours a night. It really cut into our time together. I have pretty much adapted to that, but now there's a new vice: World of Warcraft. Lately, what time she doesn't spend in her RP is spent there. Which is even worse, imo, because there isn't even anythig creative about playing it. We have had our spats, and I've adapted a bit, and she's at least agreed to take time to tend her responsibilities (pet chores, etc.) I'm on here as much as I am because I don't have much else to do. It may not be an entirely healthy place to be in a relationship, but we still love each other, and we still get together on a project every once in a while.

My situation isn't exactly the same dynamic as yours, but the principle is still sound. What I'm trying to say is don't sacrifice your quality time with your family to hang out more with we internet bronies. It's important to find balance. Your mom is likely avoiding you because she feels alienated by increased time with your new friends. Take the time to spend time with her. She has likely stepped back, waiting for you to take a step toward her. Also, I reccomend you apologize to her. Like in my signature, apolgies aren't always because you feel you were wrong. You may well have been right, but in being right, you may have hurt the feelings of those you were arguing with, and an apology is a good start to healing, as it tends to circumvent stubbornness on both sides and allow for more honest communication.

As for moving out, take your time. for one thing, living at home as an adult is a truly awesome place to be for as long as you can. I often long to be back with my mom, if only just for the incredible amount of disposable income it afforded me. Also, talking about moving out on the heels of your current conflict may worsen things with your mom, as it is yet another step away from her.

When you are truly ready to move out on your own, make sure that you 1) have a dependable income. 2) Are doing it for the right reasons and 3) Don't alienate your family in the process. Families are very important, and when all else in your life goes sour, they are the only ones you can truly depend on

I hope this helped.

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@ Cinnamon

The thing is, I do spend time with my family. Especially during the holidays I did. There was a time what I did post here a lot, about when I first hit 1000 posts, but I've slowed a fair bit since then. And I've hardly played any games with people in this community whatsoever in the last month and half. So yeah, I'm doing less things with my family then I have in the past. But I feel like I need to. I've spend almost my entire life doing stuff with my family. As such, I feel like I'm sheltered and naive about things in the world. Before I joined this community, I literally have had one single friend--and often he's more frustrating then not to be with.

It's the time conflicts. I feel perpetually stressed as I want to spend time with everyone. I hang out here a lot, and I start to worry that I'm ignoring my family. I do more stuff with my family, then I feel like I'm just never going to move forward with my life. So I try to walk the middle road--but I'm in a state of perpetual stress for it.

But the point is, I don't want to completely sacrifice family time. It's important to me.

Your reference to WoW certainly gives me the sense that maybe my current situation isn't all that silly. Basically, my whole family has played MMOs for perhaps a decade--it's sort of our family thing. But I discovered in the last month or so that I hate MMOs. I can't stand them anymore. So I basically expressed that I wanted out. As far as I'm concerned, this has nothing to do with my interest in this community or even my new friends. I would feel this way regardless. I just don't want to play MMOs anymore. I expressed my issues in the hopes that we could find some other family activity. But after another extended argument, it appears that this is simply the one thing that everyone in our house enjoys doing together--or at least they thought it was until I came out with this.

There are other things that I like doing with the family, that other members don't. So technically, I'm no more guilty than anyone else. But I have the dubious honor of perhaps ruining the very last thing that we all did together.

At this point, I've said everything that I needed to say. I don't regret saying it, but I hate that the situation has to be this way. And I can't just keep up the charade that I like MMOs. It's gone on for too long. But I feel like I've cause some permanent damage, and I don't have a clue how to fix the whole thing.

And like I said, the whole MMO thing is just one part of a much larger issue that I feel the need to separate a bit from my family.

As for moving out, take your time. for one thing, living at home as an adult is a truly awesome place to be for as long as you can. I often long to be back with my mom, if only just for the incredible amount of disposable income it afforded me. Also, talking about moving out on the heels of your current conflict may worsen things with your mom, as it is yet another step away from her.

It is, if you have money. I'm broke 90% of the time. Any money I make goes straight into keeping a house over our heads. It's part of the reason why I simply can't move out. Curse this economy.

And that's the thing, I want to move out gracefully. But how am I going to do that when the moment I start taking significant interest outside of the house it triggers all this conflict? I'm baffled as to what I'm supposed to do.

Edited by Rainbro Dash

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hmm, the MMo thing is tough. I started playong WoW first between Quill and I. When she started playing, it was great, because we finally had something to do together. But then I fell out of love with the game, and realized what a time waster it was. She kept playing, and it sorta formed a bit of a rift.

I guess the real question about that situation is how much of the MMO is quality family time, and how much is fueling an addiction. They can be addicting, and many who get hooked on them don't notice how bad they've got it. I think MMOs are one of the hardest addictions to spot, because there largely aren't as many signs.

Do you all play from the same room? One thing that i think has helped Quill and i is that, even though we are doing different things, we are still right next to each other, so we can at least talk. If your fam has a room they share to play, I suggest maybe moving some of your other hobbies to that room, if at all possible. Maybe work on your art there, or even put your compy there if you have room. That way, even if you're doing something else, you're still there.

As for the move-out thing, it sounds like you're needed there right now. It would probably be prudent to wait until things are less financially stressful with your fam. It would likely be best, either way, if you didn't bring up the subject until you make serious plans and are able to move out. If just talking about it is likely to start an argument, maybe don't mention it until it is something that needs mentioning.

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Nah, it's not the same room.

And I think, just by virtue of bringing up this issue, I've put something of a negative pall on the whole idea. I'm not sure if they're going to keep playing without me. That's part of the reason I feel so bad for doing this. I kinda feel like I ruined something that was special for others, but made me very unhappy.

As for moving out, I have no intentions of just abandoning people. I'm just expressing the emotional need to move out is all.

Thanks for your help Cinnamon. This is an incredibly complex issue for me, and I'm not sure how to handle it all. But I'm doing my best, and I appreciate the advice.

Edited by Rainbro Dash

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I'm coping with a lot of stress right now, so I hope I don't mind if I share this with everypony.

Both of my grandfathers seem to be dealing with a lot of health problems. One grandpa has alltimers, which is a serious disease which worsens, and eventually leads to death. My other grandpa has fallen a lot, which is due to a serious disease in his foot, and arthritis in the hip. Not only me but my parents seem to be dealing a lot of stress over this. We're scared that both of them will pass away this year.

My dog, age 11, has a form of cancer known as lymphoma. The vet called today, knowing she will pass away within a month. We're dealing with that as well, but I can't stand not seeing her when she isn't normally on my bed.

When all this is done, well, I'll probably be on my limit.

Edited by Zelcface

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:(

I'm really sorry to hear that Zelc. We'll always be here if you want to talk about it.

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I'm sorry to hear about your problems Zelcface and I hope everything turns out in the best possible way. Know that the whole of Ponyville is behind you.

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And the disintegretating relationship with my mother has obtained FUBAR level.

I'm feeling rather miserable about the whole situation. If it wasn't for other aspects of my life going so well right now, I'd probally be heading for some critical depression.

EDIT: Okay, FUBAR is probally just me being upset and extreame. But the situation is bad.

Edited by Rainbro Dash

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I'm sorry that you haven't been able to make peace with your family yet Rainbro. I hope that you manage to repair your relationship with your mother. We are all here for you, should you need moral support.

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Ye know, Zelc, I dealt with a similar situation between 2007 and 2008. I know that feeling, I had to bear that for two years and 3 dead. Know that I got your back whenever ye need to talk. Being a sergeant in 95th Rangers taught me to listen twice as much as i speak, so feel free to give me a shout.

That goes to any of you.

Be strong, buddy. Nec Aspera Terrent.

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You all are such good friends; thank you for all kind words.

@ Rainbro: I have the same situation weekly, except it's not as bad. It's like a daily routine - she comes home from work, and whatever we weren't doing that we were supposed to do, she gets mad at. Then she calms down about 10 minutes later.

But that's not the point; I just hope that things turn out for the best between you and your mom.

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Two tracks that were virtually looped throughout my teenage years.

Edited by Sid

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No, I posted those videos so the ones who were depressed and angry could listen to the music and relate to it.

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Hey guys, remember my story about telling my best friend about my feelings? well, something happened today that i want to talk to you guys about.

So i was out with him shopping for some new cloths and electronics when one of the biggest assholes in my school showed up beside us. and i mean BIGGEST asshole, this guy wouldn't stop pestering us ever since the rumor of us dating that happened WAAAAY back before i was even in love with "him" and this guy still to this day pesters the F*** out of us about it.

needless to say, he started going way to far and my friend started getting really uncomfortable. i could sense it in him so i whispered in his ear to go enter a store and see if the ass would follow him.

He did.

He now has a broken nose.

when he started following him, i was gonna stop him, turn him around and punch him in the face VERY hard in the face, but before i could do that, My friend Absolutely exploded on him, just turned into a fist of rage and went apeshit on his face. i didn't expect this AT all, and i was sort of proud of him, but after he stopped, i went in to ask him if he was okay. but then he punched me in the face..

I was just shocked, i didn't expect it at all and i was confused too. i had Never seen this from him, no rage, no violence, none of it made any sense to me. i stood there after he punched me staring at him, He knows me all to well and immidietly lowered his fists, knowing that i wouldn't tolerate another punch from him.

"What the fuck is your problem" i asked him.

"This whole fucking thing that's what"

"oh don't tell me..."

"Cody, shut the fuck up right now. i'm not going to try and listen to you right now, you are going to listen to me."

"not here, there is already enough of a croud"

We went to his car, he was still angrier than i had ever seen him, i could do nothing but listen to him. I don't remember exactly what he said during the whole conversation because i got really angry during the whole thing myself, but i might as well say what i know

He said he hated me because he loved me. hated the fact he felt for me, hated the fact that he had to be bisexual, hated the fact that we had kissed on that day. hated, the shear fact that he couldn't accept who he was because of our peer group.

I couldn't do anything, i got too angry to get him to calm him down and i said something i shouldn't have.

" You afraid of the god dam fact that you're best friend want to be with you for the rest of his life. you don't share my fucking feeling do you, you just said that to make me feel happy. Well guess what, I can just as easily make you go through the same shit i did by telling everyone You're bisexual. how would you like that Mr i'm to fucking afraid to be who i am."

....i shouldn't have said that and i regret it. because when i said it. i saw his face, and i got out of the car and started walking home... i knew i crossed the line..

a few minutes ago he messaged me with the following text

Cody, i wasn't lying when i told you i loved you, but you fucking crossed the line today.

You told the truth with me being afraid, i am, i really fucking am. and reminding me did not even come close to helping me.

but that's not where you crossed the line, when you threatened to reveal my secret, i lost a whole fuck load of respect for you.

come near me at school on monday and i will punch you in the face. You got me..

.....I'm seriously not okay right now. i seriously am not.......

Tears... heh... i've forgotten what it's like to cry over someone you love....

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Wow. I can't imagine how that must have felt. Just wow. I almost cried when I read this. I'm not sure what to say... Just if you want to talk or vent or anything, please please please PM me. But no matter what happened, the power of friendship will shine through I'm sure. We all mess up sometimes, we all make mistakes.

I really don't feel like I'm saying what I want to say exactly, in effect I'm not really helping any either. Just know that I'm here for ya, and please just PM me if you ever need to talk or anything.

*EDIT*

This is after Cinnamon's post, but I have to agree with him that you do need to apologize to him. It may take time, but the friendship will heal, like your nose. I will refer to Cinnamon's signature if he doesn't mind, but it's pretty much exactly what I am wanting to say right now. And I'm sure that if you apologize to him, he will apologize to you for punching you. Stay strong, bro.

Edited by 10RSAX

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Bro, you need to apologize to him. Don't get in his face or anything, though. You should be as humble as possible when you tell him you didn't mean what you said when you said you'd out him.

Sounds like you guys both have rage issues. That's not going to work very well as a relationship until one of you, or better yet, both of you learn to learn to break down and talk out your problems, without raging. What you said may well have killed your relationship, or worse, your friendship, today. But if you go to him humbly, and calmly explain what you really wanted to say, calmly and oh so fucking apologetically, maybe you will have another shot.

It doesn't excuse him punching you in the face, but your nose will heal a hell of a lot quicker than his heart.

Also, a big part of the problem was probly that you instigated his confrontation with that jackass. You may want to stand up to the world and kick everyone's ass that disagrees with your choices, but your man doesn't share that outlook, and I'm sure he didn't want his hand forced like that.

I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but if I only told you what you wanted to hear, I wouldn't be a very good friend.

(((((EDIT))))))

I may sound a bit harsh up there.

Point is, he obviously wants to keep your relationship on the down-low.

Even if some people already know, he still wants to keep it quiet. And he trusts you to do the same.

Even though your motives may have been pure, that stunt at the mall was not keeping it quiet, and that was a betrayal of his trust.

Threatening to out him to the entire school was an even bigger betrayal.

I shouldn't even need to say it, but betrayal is the absolute worst sin you could commit against a relationship, be it love or friendship. What you did today was on the same level with flat-out cheating.

I just hope he's a very forgiving heart. And if at all possible, I don't advise waiting until Monday to patch things up with him.

Edited by Cinnamon Groove
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He doesn't have a rage problem. i do. He is not the problem, i am........i never saw him hurting the guy coming, hell i wasn't even expecting him to rage like that, I don't think anyone has ever seen that.

I did appoligize.. i haven't heard from him since he sent me those messages... i... i feel horrible..... just fucking horrible...

I hate my anger.... i've never been truly be able to control it in situations... and it always leads to something i regret... i just hope he remembers....

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