2079 posts in this topic

I've been feeling like shit lately. I can't find a job, I'm not taking any classes at my community college, and I'm generally being useless at home just sitting on the computer. Sometimes I feel as though I've run myself into a dead end. And then I get a call from my dad who suggests moving to Minnesota to get started on my college.

I've been thinking about his offer lately, weighing the pros and cons. If I move to Minnesota, I could possibly get a fresh start, go to college etc. etc. But then I leave behind the life I know. I also heard that Minnesota was a state that was hurt by the recession (although which state hasn't amirite). I've only been out of state once before, and I was just a young'n and I barely remember the experience. I'm not sure what to do.

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As an alternative to moving, maybe, while still looking for work, you could volunteer your time somewhere. It would get you moving, and give you a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, which can be a very important thing to have. It may also get you some motivation back, and that may be the momentum you need to carry you though till you get work or opt for more schooling, or whatever your path may be.

Volunteering, helping out around the house, maybe helping friends and relatives with their projects or taking on odd jobs for a little cash. The important thing is to do something, lest you stay stuck in a rut.

Edit: also even a creative endeavor, like writing or art can help to pass the time and keep you motivted. Or even some independent research, if you're into that sort of thing.

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since everyone is talking about things everyone needs to get off their chest, heres mine. i can admit that all my life i have never been popular. i really never had any friends until late middle school and early high school and i had alot of problems with my grades, especially with math,science and english and if your having problems reading my post i apologize in advance. but relating to school my grades sucked, mostly because either i found the class boring or with math i didn't understand what i was supposed to do so i would ask the teacher for help. well, the way the teacher helped me was by blowing through the math problem which i was still not understanding, only to ask them to repeat it again where the flew through it just as fast. as a result i would try my math and constantly get it wrong where they said that i was either not paying attention or that i was just slacking off. i started thinking about this again yesterday when i had a run in with an old english teacher from middle school.

as i stated earlier i was never very popular in school so i mainly kept to myself. my english teacher decided that there was something wrong with me because i just wanted to be left alone. so for the next month and a half i had to meet with a counselor so they would make sure i wasn't going to go all columbine on the school. fast forward a few years after ive graduated high school and had a few different jobs that i hated.I decided that i was going to finally do something that i can enjoy so i went back to school. im doing great in my classes, getting high grades and im even getting an A- in math. life was good...until i ran into this english teacher monday afternoon.

she asked me how i was and what i was going to college for. i told her i was going to be a computer repair technician and then i wanted to take business management and open my own shop. she nods her head and said to me "well i figured you were going to do one of two things with your life, either work with computers or become a serial killer" i could literally feel my spirit shatter into a million pieces and spill all over the floor. and whats worse is all of those anxieties i felt all through school came crashing back into my life because she said this too me IN FRONT OF MY ENTIRE CLASS. i have never been this crushed or publicly humiliated in my whole life.even now its hard to write about it because now im having to deal with this all over again, and the one thought of "what if i really am a nobody...what if the people i know and care for only put up with me because they're afraid that i am crazy?"..i don't think i am but isn't that what they all say?

all i know is i keep trying to do my best...but what if my best really isn't good enough? she isnt the only one though. ive had another teacher and my high school guidance counselor tell me the same thing. i know everyone has flaws but i dont know that many people, let alone teachers that flat out say "you are a loser and you will never amount to anything".

again i apologize for this damn lengthy post but i really needed to vent and for anybody that has played on the Dallas server with me thanks for putting up with me because it really does mean a lot.

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That teacher had no right telling you that. That seriously cheeses me off.

Do what you want to make yourself happy nobody else can and trying to please others is futile.

What a ....

The mrs. K is gonna refrain from her sailor talk now and sit and glare at the back of that lady's head.

May she grow a beard.

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Yeah that teacher is a complete douchebag, really the best thing you can do to spite this teacher is to show her that you won't get broken down by her doucheyness and be a better person than her. Hard to do when you have traumatic experiences from the past related to this, trust me I know, but never stop trying. Remember that people who feel they have to be rude to others like that are often terrible human beings with few redeeming qualities about themselves which makes them wanna make others feel as bad as they do as some sort of twisted self comfort. Don't give them this comfort, throw them off the sofa instead (this being a metaphor of course, do not try physicall voilence, that never solves anything).

Stay strong and don't give up the fight because of what one douchebag thinks of you.

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Sorry, for the double post but I really need some help.

I have a friend who I have known for a long time over the internet that have had a really though life. I can't tell everything she have gone through on a public forum obviously, but let's just say it's a wonder she is alive. Now though, her boyfriend was run down by a car on the way home to their 6 month aniversary and he is in a very critical state in the hospital, and I am really affraid of what could happen if he doesn't make it. I tried to talk with her, but she just wanted to be left alone, even if I did tell her I would be there for her if she needed me. Still, I am just so affraid, I know for a fact she have had suicidial tendencies in the past and a thing like this could be fatal.

I have no idea what to do. I really want to help her, but there is not much I can do over the internet I guess, especially when she doesn't want to talk.

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Cinnamon's right. I think you did everything you can do.

Just have to hope for the best at this point. . .

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I hate waiting for my stepfather to die. It's literally been an anyday situation now. Mom says he's in the hospital, on pain meds, and doesn't want to see anybody. Doctors and ministers are making their 'last visits'. My brothers went, but I wanted to respect his wishes, and there isn't anything I feel I need to say to him that he doesn't already know.

I feel like I'm holding my breath emotionally right now. It's incredibly stressful, and I think it's somewhat affecting my work. Thing is, even though I'm always the emotional one of the family, I know that I have to be the strong one during this. My oldest brother, who is usually the most stalwart of us, will be a wreck, and I'll have to be there, and be strong, for him.

The waiting is really the worst part.

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I can understand your pain Cinnamon.

Losing a loved one before you're ready is the worst--but after everything is said and done, and you know there isn't any going back, the wait can be it's own brand of intense pain.

. . .

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My mother died two years ago of COPD. Before that she had a stroke that rendered her unable to speak. So yeah, I know what it's like waiting for somebody close to die. Hopefully your work will be more forgiving about your emotional issues stemming from this than mine was (they didn't give a fuck).

Edited by Dollop of Mayo

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@ Groove and Lyre

This is something I have to see at work quite often.. I'll never get used to seeing people's loved ones dying and there isn't anything I can do except try and comfort them.. I always feel their pain and I need to go to the break room sometimes to get my composure back. *Thats how Green I am*

If it's..any possible consolation.. We as Nurses work as hard as we can to serve our patients..but sometimes it's just out of our control. People get angry at us sometimes saying it's our fault. We didn't do enough. The body can only take so much medicine and there's only so much we're able to do.We try to make the passing as easy and comfortable as we can possible. The last thing we want to do is for them to leave us in pain..

@Groove

I understand you man.. I was with a family this past weekend. This grandmother was fighting for life for 7 hours before her pacemaker gave out. Multiple Organ Failure.. That heart was the last to go. Blue and black all over on a bi-pap respirator...She was put on a DNR policy when Some family members left because they couldn't take it..They regretted it soon after the passing. They came back and wanted to make finality somehow. Groove if you havn't already done so, please do it while you can, okay?

@ Lyre

It honestly sounds like you're doing all you can do. Be there for her and let her know that you'll always be by her side.

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Well, today is my day to have my final words with him. Mom said he needs to see everyone whether he feels like it or not, to help him prepare to leave, and I'm the only one left. So I'm gonna go in about an hour.

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well, that was rough, like i thought it would be. He was unresponsive. Hopefully I said enough.

Fortunately, tomorrow is my roommate's birthday, so I balanced out the sorrow of the hospital visit with the joy of wrapping presents!

well, maybe not balanced, but it helped.

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A few nights ago... I was looking up something and stumbled across an article that infuriated and made me sad.

I had a friend when I was about 8 or 9 who had the same name as me. Every time we saw each other we would say "Hi Me!"

One day she walked down to a 7-eleven and she disappeared. No one new what happened for several months and almost a year later her body was discovered.

I wont get into specifics about what had been done to her. But the article stated her murderer was up for parole. I couldn't believe that he could be eligible for that.

Good news I found out it was denied but still... I broke down and cried. It still drops into my mind every once in awhile.

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Sorry to hear that Koach. I hope everything will be alright with him.

Well... quite shitty story what happened. After all that shite he had to go through, he logged into Steam, only to be yelled and bitched at by his clan's officer for not attending training. He left that clan now.

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update: I didn't say enough.

I was -troubled- all day during work yesterday. I even took today off to make for a long weekend and help me cope. It was all I could do to not break down at work. As soon as I left, I felt compelled, or at least undecided, about whether or not to go back out to the hospital. I chose to go, and when I got to his room, I burst into tears. The truth came out, a truth I tried my best even to hide from myself.

The truth that I had been somewhat avoiding my parents these last couple years, only visiting generally for family functions or to drop something off or help fix something. Even then I tried to keep my trips short, and Quill and I were usually the first ones to want to leave. It was because I was scared. I was scared to watch him die.

I think my outburst woke him. but he got to hear me, and he could speak, though it is so quiet I could barely make out what he was saying. But he was weeping too, so I know he understood what I was saying. I held his hand for about an hour, and chatted with him and mom, untill he fell back asleep.

I may go back out a few more times. The doctors are confident he will last the weekend. But if I miss him, I am confident now that I have finally said to him all I needed to, so that makes this easier to deal with.

...I think....

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..So incase anyone didn't hear yet.. i just went though some treatment..

starting on tuesday, i had started coughing up blood for what seemed to be no good reason.. when it happened multipul times i told my parents and we got an appointment scedualed to figure out what was going one. all being the canadian system however that meant my appointment was 4 days from then.

Friday, around noon, performing in drama competition when suddenly i coughed... then again, then with blood, then i couldn't stop coughing... a few hours later... i was told i had tuberculosis. Heart fucking sank like a rock, having no clue what it was i thought i was gonna die but...as it turns out it's cureable..

So today early morning i go thought treatment as the hospital, and then i'm given two containers full of antibiotics. detailed instructions and a note saying i was to get at least 3 more containers....

So i've got about a 4-7 month period of taking these...So.. fucking yeah.. if your reading this, i won't be so happy cheery go lucky be all super fluffy rule an empire like for a while..... at least a good week, maybe more

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I am just glad you are alright Fluffy, I don't know what I would do without you. Love you man <3

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So, I just figured out that my aunt that everyone in my family loves is dying. The worst part about it is that I don't know how to feel towards that. I really can't get sad anymore nor do I feel mad that I can't visit her often. I'm confused... At times like these, all I really am doing is clenching Pinkie Pie (Brushable and Plushie) and hating myself and wondering why can't I just be sad. Dammit, Why the fuck can't I cry anymore. I'm sitting in my single room on campus clenching a stuffed pony, listening to all my soft songs and composed music and thinking. And I can't even cry. I feel so much like a puppet right now. It's always been a problem for me to show emotion except for joy,kindness,love,confusion and hate. But I never cried after 4th grade.

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@ Aloe

Don't kick yourself for not being able to cry--or even feel sad. Human motions are incredibly complex, and experts still can't understand often. There may reasons you're not aware of that are affecting how you feel. But the fact that you want to feel sad tells me you're not insensitive or pathological or whatever.

I understand your frustration--just make yourself feel worse for judging yourself as well.

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I don't think there's anything wrong with not feeling sad when someone dies. When my grandmother died in late 2010, I didn't feel sad. Hell, we knew it was coming. She lived in another country anyway (Finland), and I hadn't seen her for 8 years prior. I still wasn't sad. She was very sick. Everybody dies at the end.

A lot of this "I have to feel sad when someone dies" is just social brainwash and in our culture. I tend not to pay much attention to it.

EDIT: It only pisses me off when someone dies because of someone else's fault, such as cows being murdered.

Edited by Sid

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