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Well, sonic, I want you to know, that I've never even known love like you have. It's like they say, better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

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*hugs tight* I am very sorry to hear that Sonic =(

Well, life goes on and considering how nice you are I am sure you will find true love again some day. Just stay strong my friend.

If you need someone to talk to I am always on Skype as you know and will do my best to be of help

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Thank you both...

The reason that we broke up is so we could be happy...it is still just hard to deal with right now...

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Warning, this is probably going to be long and probably disorganized.

I don't even know where to begin. Just a couple days ago, I found out my partner, Amy, has been keeping some really serious emotional things hidden from me. For many months, she's been wondering whether she needs to end our relationship to reach her happiest life. She never mentioned any of this to me because of a sense of guilt and to protect my feelings. Then, we move to Seattle, and being away from her family and friends makes all that worse. Then I get my asperger's/ADHD/mood disorder diagnosis, and she gets even worse. Most of the things that had her doubting our relationship were things I wasn't aware of doing because of being an aspie. I saw the diagnosis as the first step toward being able to improve our relationship, but she saw it as proof the relationship couldn't be fixed.

So I'm fighting to save our 9 year relationship. Progress is happening, but Amy is not communicating well. Most of the time, she doesn't want to talk about my diagnosis or what it means. I got her to read a book on it, but I honestly chose the worst book of the one's I had available, so that just added to the confusion. That book didn't go into a lot of the finer points of what autism actually does to someone's world and perspective. I've been diagnosed for months and just three days ago was the first time we actually had a conversation about my ASD and what things like "lacking theory of mind" and social impairment actually mean for me. Before that, the only real conversation I had was an ultimatum. She told me she wasn't sure if she'd stay or not, but that I had to fix a lot of my behaviors or she would definitely leave.

On top of all that, she'd apparently been suicidal once or twice in the last couple months and told no one until weeks later. She's going through a lot of depression and has been barely keeping it together. I want to help but I don't know how, and honestly I feel like my presence usually just reminds her of the problems we're having and makes things awkward. And she's been spending loads of time with Ryan, the other person in this poly arrangement, and kind of shunning me, which left me feeling hurt.

We did manage a conversation about that last week. She had been excluding me because she thought I was too busy with my autism research and other things. I was waiting for her to adjust enough to be able to deal with things. She had told me she wasn't ready to talk about things, and I assumed she would let me know when that changed. Communication fail all around. But we finally broke through that, and now we know that each of us has been ignoring the other and feeling ignored. We're trying to work through those emotions and to start doing stuff together more often.

I also found out that Amy has never believed in my diagnosis from the moment I brought it up. Even when my therapist confirmed my self-diagnosis, she didn't believe it. When the psychiatrist confirmed the diagnosis, she finally admitted it was probably true, although she didn't see it herself. That lack of belief hurt.

And it wasn't just her. Most of my friends were totally unsupportive while I was trying to get diagnosed. "You can't be autistic. You're so smart." or "You're clearly a functional person." and so on. Some of these from people who only know me online, so I don't even know how they could pretend to know enough to make the statements. Even people like Amy who knew the emotional pain I've gone through while struggling at work didn't believe it. Some even mocked me for being a hypochondriac. Through the whole process, the only people who were really fully supportive were a few of you guys, especially Rainbro, and my cousin. My cousin was the only member of my family to show unconditional love and support. Now that I have a clinical diagnosis, most have started being supportive, but it feels rather begrudging.

And of course my clinical diagnosis added ADHD, which totally shocked me. World rocked again. Although I really shouldn't have been surprised.

Then I went to a pot luck dinner for aspies in Seattle. When I got there, I was feeling pretty confident in myself. I thought I was clearly higher functioning than almost everyone there. I certainly had better social skills than most. But then the bright light, and all the people talking, especially new people who were very socially inept and pushy, all added up to overload and I wound up having to flee the party and hide in a corner, stimming, and with a flaring migraine. Nothing like going to a party for people on the spectrum and winding up the only one who can't handle it to change your notion of how "functional" you are. And just to make that night better, my ride home gives me a tylenol 3 for the pain, and the codeine in it takes most of the pain away, but makes me so nauseous that I think I've been food poisoned. I spend half the night terrified that I'll have to go to the ER with no health insurance. Then I finally remember the codeine causes nausea, and I have Rainbro help me walk it off. Not a good night.

That plus a few other less than stellar moments had me wondering if I really can handle a job again, and then I realized something today. For 9 years, Amy's lived with me and done almost all of the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the bill paying, the shopping, the finances, etc. Essentially, I've had a care giver ever since I left home. Before that, my mother was effectively my care giver, and did all the above. Despite being freed of all those responsibilities, I've only barely managed to deal with life. If you can call crying jags in the bathrooms, nervous breakdowns, constant therapy, anxiety, dread, absenteeism, and poor work performance "managing to deal with it". I know I wouldn't be able to handle a significant job if Amy weren't helping with or just dealing with all the other responsibilities of life. And now she's said she may be leaving me.

So, I'm looking at applying for disability benefits. If there is a chance I'll be on my own soon, I need to take care of this now instead of when I'm an emotional wreck. I'm not exactly happy about it. It feels like giving up. But without a partner to lean on, I just don't have it in me to hold down a job. They all eventually drive me insane, actual swaying in place, talking to myself, fantasizing about killing myself, randomly crying in public, insane. At least if I'm on disability, I'll have enough money to keep a small place, keep myself fed, and my needs met. If I don't have to worry about work, I can probably manage to stay on top of the other aspects of life. I hope.

But I'm afraid going on disability means giving up my dreams as well. Disability doesn't exactly pay well enough to travel the world. I don't know if I'd be able to become a therapist to help others as I'd hoped. And it just feels like failing.

And back to relationship stuff, because Amy was lying about there being anything wrong, I didn't know our relationship was in such a fragile state. And because she said it was all okay, I bring Rainbro up here into our household. Except things weren't all okay, and adding a strange fourth person to the house with all this drama just made things more complicated and awkward. It's also unfair to Rainbro, because instead of getting to know his girlfriend, he gets to help me pick up the pieces of my emotions and mind on a fairly regular basis. I feel guilty because he deserves better, but I know I wouldn't have made it through the last month or two nearly so well without his help. But at the same time his presence makes things complicated because Amy and Ryan weren't ready for him to move in, but they didn't tell me that.

I found out that my senses are distorted to the point I've basically been on acid my whole life. So again my world gets shifted a bit. And after talking with an aspie the other day, I'm starting to wonder where "sensory distortions" end and "hallucinations" begin. What if I'm not done with the revelations, and it turns out I'm schizophrenic as well, or something else. I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist about these things next week. I'll be sure to let everyone know if my world has been rocked again. Or it might be Rainbro letting you know. I might not be very functional after another blow like that. Thankfully Rainbro will be along for my session.

Well hell. I just took a schizophrenia test from the same group that did the really good ADHD test. Another positive screening.

Alright. That's all I can do tonight. I'm going to try to ignore that I might be schizophrenic on top of everything else until I can talk to my psychiatrist.

And maybe I'll get a hug from Rainbro...

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My condolences to you... I know what it's like when life is hard and falls on your shoulders pretty much. I have no words of advice or anything being uneducated in such things your going through but i hope everything turns out all right for you and Amy. Once again you have my condolences.

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That's pretty damn heavy Pixel

So Amy is treating you differently because you are an Aspie? This scenario that you are in seems like some form of denial and block-out if you ask me on Amy's end, not yours. You've come to terms with yourself and accepted that as a fact. Not everyone in your life is going to be so fast to jump on the boat at the same speed that you're going. It can be hard and has been hard on more people than yourself, but that's evident in what you tell me.

It puzzles me that a person would treat another person differently just because they were an Aspie. The mental diagnosis and procedure is nothing more than accepting a truth and identifying as well as explaining phenomena in your life, no?

It's very cliche, but you're still the same Pixel. Another person treating you differently because of that is unfair and both parties should understand that, despite it being a double edged sword.

As for the subject of schizophrenia and defining the world around you with what is and isn't, I want you to think deep down about this philosophical bit. The world around you as you perceive it

I, myself have my very own doubts and what is real in this world or not. I've contemplated murder, I've contemplated suicide, I have thought about concepts of insanity and questioned the very existence of my friends, my family, my peers, my inner fears and the machinations of the mind. I've contemplated various tests and ways to determine what is real and what is not and whether or not this reality is a visualization of the inner mind as in opposition to the slim possibility that nobody exists with the exception of my own plane as my mind perceives it.

I still do all these things on a daily basis. I understand the bar between you and I with Schizophrenia and Asperger's Syndrome. The fact of the matter is that it is real for you and it isn't real for me and that is an entire plane of reality that I could not begin to understand let alone judge or remotely sympathize for.

Point and case being what is real and what isn't real doesn't matter. It's the choices you make in the world you're stuck in and what you do to better yourself that truly matters. Hallucinations, voices, anything can be and are are just distractions to you and whatever goals lie in your future. You are who you choose to be. Never forget that.

Passion

Zeal

Pain

Anger

Frustration

Sorrow

Delight

Ecstasy

Dread

Love

Grief

Suffering

Satisfaction

Wonder

Affection

Curiosity

Desire

Excite

Greed

Emotions. These are all reminders that what you are is a reality, and they are a curse and a blessing. They will be with you for the rest of your life.

life itself is almost nothing more than a lesson to teach yourself to be content with your emotions and their cause as well as effect.

In terms of caring for yourself and looking out for yourself, you need to make a plan for the future. You have a start, but for now I think the important thing is that you deal with the turmoil right now and think less on the what-ifs and weather or not you will continue to live under Amy's care.

And on a final note, I'm sorry I have never had the opportunity to get to know you better Pixel. I can only move myself to make more of an effort in the near future.

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For those wondering, Pixel has gone to bed at this point. And she definitely got her hug.

I think she's resolved about the potential schizophrenia. She has decided that she's not going to overly stress it for the moment. She's got too much on her plate already.

I have been, and I will continue to be there for her.

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@Pixel:

It shouldn't frighten or concern you that your getting new diagnoses, self or otherwise.

It shouldn't even be considered a negative.

If you are schitzophernic, it's not like this sudden realization will exhaserbate your condition.

You'll still be the same you, regardless.

I've come to discover over the last few months that I am a copulsive eater . This realization hasn't driven me to snack even more. Instead, it has given me the opportunity to notice what I'm doing and warn myself.

All the diagnoses do is give you a doorway to begin treatment, to begin improving yourself.

And that is nothing but positive.

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Pixel, I'm really sorry about what happened... If I knew what to say that hasn't already been said, I would. I just want you to know that I'm here for you as well. No matter what happens.

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Not sure if I understood it correctly and Rainbro sent you my message Pixel, but just in case I want you to know that I am sorry that I haven't been there for you lately, I have honestly thought you where busy getting to know Rainbro better IRL and such and didn't want to disturb you. If there is anything I can do to help, anything at all, I will be happy to be of assistance to help you through these hard times.

Stay strong my friend *hugs*

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Iv'e been feeling rather down and bummed lately...

The reason I feel this way is because i have lost the will to live, life is just so plain and boring by itself and having people always shouting at you doesn't help. I hardly get any sleep and have constant headaches as well as my back is absolutely killing me lately also. I want to go into hospital about my back, It's causing me horrific amounts of pain every time i move or walk and i'm having constant headaches because of no sleep and the fact that every ones shouting at me. Earlier i got shouted for trying to sleep :s I am treated like i'm nothing to family and that i don't matter, my brothers shout at me for every little mistake or for simple things like typing on a keyboard because i'm making "too much noise". On top of all that my mother isn't any better, always getting me to do things i don't to do and arguing with me. No one cares about me and no one ever has my whole life is ruined, broken and corrupted and i don't to live like this anymore. I want a new life entirely.

Theres so many different thoughts whirling around my head right now and i can't think nor function correctly right now. Some these thoughts are good and thoughts that make me happy about my life but others filled with negativity about my life. There are many other reasons why i feel this way also, i feel like i just use everyone by making them worry about me all the time because what happens/has happened in my life. It's not fair on them and i feel like i'm just a waste of time.

My life doesn't matter any more in my opinion, all it's been is a roller-coaster of depression, sadness and a big let down, I'm a big let down, an embarassment...

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Oh dear... do not kill yourself, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I see you are having it really rough, and I feel your pain about not being able to get enough sleep and having problems with the spinal areas, but killing yourself won't really solve that. If you have it so bad every day that you feel you genuinely have to be hospitalized, beg your parents to be sent to a hospital I would say, and if they refuse to believe you after several tries perhaps you might even want to call child services or something similar.

Please do not think you are worthless and such, I might not know you very well but I do know you have your worth and that we would all hate to see you go into the nether. Stay strong and we are here for you if you need us *hugs*

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People say they care about me all the time, my mother did but it doesn't seem that way. I am not intending to be selfish and saying that you don't, I have a hard time believing people when they say they care for me because of my childhood in school and at home.

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Warning, this is probably going to be long and probably disorganized.

I don't even know where to begin. Just a couple days ago, I found out my partner, Amy, has been keeping some really serious emotional things hidden from me. For many months, she's been wondering whether she needs to end our relationship to reach her happiest life. She never mentioned any of this to me because of a sense of guilt and to protect my feelings. Then, we move to Seattle, and being away from her family and friends makes all that worse. Then I get my asperger's/ADHD/mood disorder diagnosis, and she gets even worse. Most of the things that had her doubting our relationship were things I wasn't aware of doing because of being an aspie. I saw the diagnosis as the first step toward being able to improve our relationship, but she saw it as proof the relationship couldn't be fixed.

So I'm fighting to save our 9 year relationship. Progress is happening, but Amy is not communicating well. Most of the time, she doesn't want to talk about my diagnosis or what it means. I got her to read a book on it, but I honestly chose the worst book of the one's I had available, so that just added to the confusion. That book didn't go into a lot of the finer points of what autism actually does to someone's world and perspective. I've been diagnosed for months and just three days ago was the first time we actually had a conversation about my ASD and what things like "lacking theory of mind" and social impairment actually mean for me. Before that, the only real conversation I had was an ultimatum. She told me she wasn't sure if she'd stay or not, but that I had to fix a lot of my behaviors or she would definitely leave.

On top of all that, she'd apparently been suicidal once or twice in the last couple months and told no one until weeks later. She's going through a lot of depression and has been barely keeping it together. I want to help but I don't know how, and honestly I feel like my presence usually just reminds her of the problems we're having and makes things awkward. And she's been spending loads of time with Ryan, the other person in this poly arrangement, and kind of shunning me, which left me feeling hurt.

We did manage a conversation about that last week. She had been excluding me because she thought I was too busy with my autism research and other things. I was waiting for her to adjust enough to be able to deal with things. She had told me she wasn't ready to talk about things, and I assumed she would let me know when that changed. Communication fail all around. But we finally broke through that, and now we know that each of us has been ignoring the other and feeling ignored. We're trying to work through those emotions and to start doing stuff together more often.

I also found out that Amy has never believed in my diagnosis from the moment I brought it up. Even when my therapist confirmed my self-diagnosis, she didn't believe it. When the psychiatrist confirmed the diagnosis, she finally admitted it was probably true, although she didn't see it herself. That lack of belief hurt.

And it wasn't just her. Most of my friends were totally unsupportive while I was trying to get diagnosed. "You can't be autistic. You're so smart." or "You're clearly a functional person." and so on. Some of these from people who only know me online, so I don't even know how they could pretend to know enough to make the statements. Even people like Amy who knew the emotional pain I've gone through while struggling at work didn't believe it. Some even mocked me for being a hypochondriac. Through the whole process, the only people who were really fully supportive were a few of you guys, especially Rainbro, and my cousin. My cousin was the only member of my family to show unconditional love and support. Now that I have a clinical diagnosis, most have started being supportive, but it feels rather begrudging.

And of course my clinical diagnosis added ADHD, which totally shocked me. World rocked again. Although I really shouldn't have been surprised.

Then I went to a pot luck dinner for aspies in Seattle. When I got there, I was feeling pretty confident in myself. I thought I was clearly higher functioning than almost everyone there. I certainly had better social skills than most. But then the bright light, and all the people talking, especially new people who were very socially inept and pushy, all added up to overload and I wound up having to flee the party and hide in a corner, stimming, and with a flaring migraine. Nothing like going to a party for people on the spectrum and winding up the only one who can't handle it to change your notion of how "functional" you are. And just to make that night better, my ride home gives me a tylenol 3 for the pain, and the codeine in it takes most of the pain away, but makes me so nauseous that I think I've been food poisoned. I spend half the night terrified that I'll have to go to the ER with no health insurance. Then I finally remember the codeine causes nausea, and I have Rainbro help me walk it off. Not a good night.

That plus a few other less than stellar moments had me wondering if I really can handle a job again, and then I realized something today. For 9 years, Amy's lived with me and done almost all of the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the bill paying, the shopping, the finances, etc. Essentially, I've had a care giver ever since I left home. Before that, my mother was effectively my care giver, and did all the above. Despite being freed of all those responsibilities, I've only barely managed to deal with life. If you can call crying jags in the bathrooms, nervous breakdowns, constant therapy, anxiety, dread, absenteeism, and poor work performance "managing to deal with it". I know I wouldn't be able to handle a significant job if Amy weren't helping with or just dealing with all the other responsibilities of life. And now she's said she may be leaving me.

So, I'm looking at applying for disability benefits. If there is a chance I'll be on my own soon, I need to take care of this now instead of when I'm an emotional wreck. I'm not exactly happy about it. It feels like giving up. But without a partner to lean on, I just don't have it in me to hold down a job. They all eventually drive me insane, actual swaying in place, talking to myself, fantasizing about killing myself, randomly crying in public, insane. At least if I'm on disability, I'll have enough money to keep a small place, keep myself fed, and my needs met. If I don't have to worry about work, I can probably manage to stay on top of the other aspects of life. I hope.

But I'm afraid going on disability means giving up my dreams as well. Disability doesn't exactly pay well enough to travel the world. I don't know if I'd be able to become a therapist to help others as I'd hoped. And it just feels like failing.

And back to relationship stuff, because Amy was lying about there being anything wrong, I didn't know our relationship was in such a fragile state. And because she said it was all okay, I bring Rainbro up here into our household. Except things weren't all okay, and adding a strange fourth person to the house with all this drama just made things more complicated and awkward. It's also unfair to Rainbro, because instead of getting to know his girlfriend, he gets to help me pick up the pieces of my emotions and mind on a fairly regular basis. I feel guilty because he deserves better, but I know I wouldn't have made it through the last month or two nearly so well without his help. But at the same time his presence makes things complicated because Amy and Ryan weren't ready for him to move in, but they didn't tell me that.

I found out that my senses are distorted to the point I've basically been on acid my whole life. So again my world gets shifted a bit. And after talking with an aspie the other day, I'm starting to wonder where "sensory distortions" end and "hallucinations" begin. What if I'm not done with the revelations, and it turns out I'm schizophrenic as well, or something else. I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist about these things next week. I'll be sure to let everyone know if my world has been rocked again. Or it might be Rainbro letting you know. I might not be very functional after another blow like that. Thankfully Rainbro will be along for my session.

Well hell. I just took a schizophrenia test from the same group that did the really good ADHD test. Another positive screening.

Alright. That's all I can do tonight. I'm going to try to ignore that I might be schizophrenic on top of everything else until I can talk to my psychiatrist.

And maybe I'll get a hug from Rainbro...

Wow, I am really sorry that you have to go through this. I hope you can feel better soon though, because people always tell me about how amazing of a person you are, and I don't think any of us want you to feel anything other than happy.

As for Amy it really seems that she is having her world shifted along with yours and is having a hard time coping with it all. The best thing to do in my opinion, would just to be truthfully and convince her that her being completely honest with you is the best thing that she can do.

From what I can tell, she REALLY cares about you and this is probably affecting her as much as it is you, but this just means that you both with have know what you both are thinking.

Pixel, I don't know how disability benefits work, but I don't think that it would be giving up, but just having help get back on your feet and feel well enough to get that job as a therapist and help other people

(and I just have to add: That is really awesome of you...wanting to make a career out of helping other people...you are awesome person Pixel :) )

Honestly, if I had to deal with all of that, my head would explode, it just goes to show that you are not weak but you are a strong person. You are one of the strongest people I know.

And if I didn't say it enough, you are an Awesome person Twilight Pixel and I am very sorry that you have to go through all of this.

(and I hope that Rainbro didn't just give you one hug >.> if internet hugs count anything for you *hug*)

If you ever feel that you need someone to talk to, you have and entire internet willing to help...so please don't hesitate to ask.

I hope you have a good day :) *hug*

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Pixel, age of onset for schizophreinia is during the teenage years, with it actually tapering off towards mid life (40s.) The likihood that you have schizophrenia is not very likely. Please don't take online tests to self disagnosis yourself, leave it up to your psychatrist to preform that. Also when you do initial sessions with a counselor of any kind it's standard practice for them to run diagnostic tests that would let them know if they need to further test you for disorders such as schizophrenia. Also you'd have been hospitalized because of complications from schizophrenia at some point in your life while you were going through an episode, it's one of the few disorders that doesn't go undiagnosed in this day and age.

There are symptoms of depression and anxiety that can mimic symptoms of other disorders such as schizophrenia. Most people don't know that or even understand that facet of mental health because it's something that a counselor learns in school and through working with individuals, and it's why it's recommended that a trained professional screen you as opposed to taking tests online that are written by people that usually don't understand how complicated mental health disorders are and the questions are worded so vaguely that they can be and often are misunderstood without the individual fully understanding what they are say "yeah that's me" to.

I'm being really blunt, not to be mean but to point out that you don't have anything to worry about.

Asbergers and ADHD often go undiagnosed because if they're mild enough they don't cause major issues for the individual, so don't think that because other diagnosises have happened this late in your life that it means there are more disorders that have gone undiagnosed.

I would highly suggest that you consider having a group therapy session with the members in your house (namely Amy) so that someone else can mediate the exchange and help you two decide on a course of action that will benefit you both and aid you in working towards repairing your relationship.

I do not envy the road that you're walking down, it's not easy overcoming so many obsticals but with people who support you and care about you (such as Rainbro) these obsticals can be overcome, do not be disheartened because of what is happening, it's during the darkest of times that true friends show their worth by being there supporting you despite what is happening and I think if nothing else this situation has shown you who truely cares about you and is there trying to help you.

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Worry not. I'm taking the quiz result as an indicator it is worth talking to my psychiatrist about. Not that I necessarily have it. At the same time, do not underestimate what can be hidden by a clever person.

The possibility of being schizophrenic worries me some, but not a lot. Whatever my psychiatrist says doesn't change what I've been dealing with over the past years. While there are some definite matches with schizophrenia, it's less of an issue than the asperger's itself is.

Partly I took it badly because of what I didn't actually get around to writing about in my last post. I've been really afraid that I'm crazy. Everything I do has what seems to me to be a logical reason for it. But still, there are times where I realize that if I were to see someone else in the same situation from the outside, I would think that person is crazy. When you've been thinking things like that, then you find out you've got sensory distortions that mean the world you see doesn't even match up with other's, you might be in a frame of mind where the implication of a chance that you might be schizophrenic as well can hit you pretty hard.

Then again, as rough as it's been for me, I'm not the guy wandering around The Ave with covered in cheese sauce and talking to himself. Crazy, maybe, but I'm not that crazy.

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Just got rid of perhaps an hour's worth of typing. Trying to find just the right words. But how about these:

You're not crazy. You make more sense to me than most people do.

I struggle to find hard structured evidence to demonstrate exactly why--at least not without rambling on forever. And maybe we could talk about in person, if you want. But I just know without a doubt, you are not crazy. Eccentric, sure--but that is anything but a bad thing. Eccentrics are what keep the world going around.

But crazy? No. "Crazy" is a whole `nother can of worms. It almost always has a negative connotation. And it's just such a generalized label that defining exactly what crazy actually is is kinda pointless. You could probably look at just about anyone and find something about them to call crazy. It's not a good word for serious discussion.

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Everybody sees the world differently. Many of us might see things SIMILARLY to one another, but my reality is no more or less valid than yours, no matter what.

I was going to say something along the lines of this... Truth be told, no two people see or perceive the world as the same... So why worry that your perception is different than another's?

Crazy is also a matter of degrees... It also does not imply (necessarily) dysfunctional... There were plenty of brilliant minds throughout history that were most like "crazy" and still managed to contribute something meaningful and worthwhile to the world...

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Vent time.

The past week or so has been full of a LOT of stressful stuff dealing with university and the dealio of having to move out to go to it. whilst along this way a lot of bullshit has happened.

1) my aunt and uncle (the people i'm staying with) are going to be charging me $250 dollars a month for rent. now, this isn't necessarily a big deal, as 250 bucks isn't too much to pay, but it DOES mean i have to get job during my school time. not a HUGE deal if i'm just in school, BUUUT... (segue to #2)

2) the rehersal portion of my theartre program doesn't actually take place during class times. they're set times on monday wedsnday thursday and sunday. which means i have even less time in the week for possible work times. not to mention i also planned to come back to my parents place to work with my dad's work place for 3 days of the week before heading back. this is now impossible because of this knowledge.

3) my english was dropped. i was in an english class. literally i was signed up and registered for a class, but for the reason of "i didn't meet the prerequisites" i was dropped from the lass class (the one i was registered in) because someone who did meet them wanted in. now this prerequisite is having 67% or higher as your english 12 final mark... i got 66%... i mean, i CAN understand what they did. but it's absolutely INFURIATING to know that i was dropped from the class for someone who meets the prerequisites, because i was ONE god damn percent off of the mark. and NOW i have to write a test to remove that prerequisite. BUT i can't take the class until january, which basically puts me one semester behind in my english. (the class i'm taking is REQUIRED of my theatre program)..

4) resolved now, but my parents were actually denying me the ability to take my tower to my aunts and uncles place, in other words, no internet games at all. Let me just say, depriving me of video games is like depriving a crackhead his cocane. I sorta need video games to stay at least somewhat sane.

so yeah... i'm stressed and frustrated and i needed to vent. i'm not looking for advice on what to do, or asking for sympathy or whatever, i just needed to vent in a place where people can read.

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(Because Mr.K hit me with reality...)

I have been having a lot more heart problems recently, but this time my sister saw me and she told my dad that I wanted to make a doctor's appointment, when in reality....I do NOT like going to the doctors..so I am being forced to go against my will...I have gotten way to much bad news from them in my life...and it makes even worse that I have to schedule it during school which just started....and if the teachers are going to be as hard as they were today, I am going to die...

but at least it made me feel a bit better to know that my ex-girlfriend has moved on and doesn't care about me anymore...I think it does...

Edited by Sonic Rain

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NO! Before you read this, read Fluffy's post...he is way more important than me...

slap.jpg

Stop that. You're not any less important than anyone else on this forum, y'got that?

Edited by MrKenyon
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NO! Before you read this, read Fluffy's post...he is way more important than me...

slap.jpg

Stop that. You're not any less important than anyone else on this forum, y'got that?

Then why do I feel less important?

Edited by Sonic Rain

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