2079 posts in this topic

Fluffy : One bright side to the whole thing is that with the English class out of the way you have more time for a part time job. Not much of a silver lining but there ya have it. I can tell you one thing about all this, it's gonna toughen you up a whole bunch and do a good job preparing you for when school is over and you gotta work full time.

Sonic : That's called low self esteem. I used to have quite a lot of that. My sense of self worth is still not what I would call great, but it's gotten a lot better over the years. I don't really have any tips for you; I just sort of grew more confident over time. Mostly because the older I get the less I seem to be all that concerned about what other people think of me. I still care but not to the insane degree I used to. So I guess it's probably just a matter of time for you, too.

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Sonic : That's called low self esteem. I used to have quite a lot of that. My sense of self worth is still not what I would call great, but it's gotten a lot better over the years. I don't really have any tips for you; I just sort of grew more confident over time. Mostly because the older I get the less I seem to be all that concerned about what other people think of me. I still care but not to the insane degree I used to. So I guess it's probably just a matter of time for you, too.

I may have self-esteem issues, but that is better than having a huge ego and thinking that I am better than the rest of the world, right?

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Exactly how I used to think. Precisely 100%.

And to a degree you are correct, in that it is better to be humble than it is to be arrogant.

HOWEVER.

Self confidence =/= being a dick

The ability to stand up for yourself will keep people from messing with you and taking advantage of you.

Simply put, think of yourself as EQUAL. Nobody is BETTER than you, but nobody is WORSE than you. It's all about equilibrium and it's hard to get just the right balance and I know for a fact I haven't and probably never will but it's better to try than not. And the closer you come to that balance the happier you'll be. People won't push you around and you won't push people around.

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The ability to stand up for yourself will keep people from messing with you and taking advantage of you.

I do stand up for myself, I won't let others push me around, I don't really need to worry about it here though because nobody has ever tried to take advantage of me...

I don't get pushed around a lot in real life because people know what what happens when they do push me around...

I guess people don't push me around on the internet because they don't feel like they need to...or just because they like me...or some other reason...

The reason I have low self-esteem is because I can never live up to my parents expectations, and when it seems like I am about to meet their "bar" they raise it just out of my reach.

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Speaking of parents, I'm a bit concerned about coming out as bisexual to my own... they're now taking the whole brony thing very mediocrely (after at first not really caring, a bit disappointed in it tbh) and that doesn't give me a lot of confidence with telling them that I'm actually bi after they've been thinking that I'm straight (as did I) for the past... I don't really know years. What would be the best way of coming out to them about my actual sexuality and not have them end up hating me or something because I'm the only bisexual in this branch of the family? (There are gays in my family, but the only ones I know of are all the way out in Colorado, and it's a cousin of mine. They seem okay with it and even went out of their ways to attend the wedding of that cousin, which instills some confidence in me, but I still don't have a lot...)

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@ Fluffy

Sounds like a lot of shit. I guess we all run into those rough and stressful times in our lives. Good luck with it; you'll get through it. And there are always people around to listen to you vent if you need.

@ Sonic

Most people generally fall into one of three types: Submissive, Assertive, and Aggressive. Of those three, only Assertive is a healthy mindset. Submissive people are doormats, and are walked all over by Aggressive people. Aggressive people are egotistical assholes, prone to conflict.

Assertive is the happy medium between the two. Strong, but reserved. Confidence. People who are assertive don't abuse those who are submissive, and don't get walked on by those who are aggressive. Assertive people don't feel the world revolves around them, but neither anyone else. They know their needs are important, and deserve attention--not necessarily with any assigned priority in comparison to others.

Everyone should strive to be assertive.

@ 2A03

That's always a hard place to be. I really wish I could offer you some advice, but I just don't know enough about that experience to offer much. Just know that you have my support.

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Daring, do you parents ever express negative opinions on non-heterosexual people? As in do you know for a fact that they might be homophobic? Because if they never say anything bad about them, then chances are that they don't care about them.

Of course, i'm still yet to come out myself, but it's not because i'm uncomfortable with it, it's because i can't find the right moment.

Try starting (or wait for someone else to start) a conversation about sexuality. If your parents don't say anything negative, then you have a chance. When you feel the time is right during the conversation, just calmly tell them that you are bisexual, and whatever you do; do NOT make it sound like a big deal (this will just make you seem weak and uncomfortable with yourself).

Even if they did feel negatively about gays and bi's, chances are they wouldn't feel bad about their son. If anything they'll change their views

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The reason I have low self-esteem is because I can never live up to my parents expectations, and when it seems like I am about to meet their "bar" they raise it just out of my reach.

I'm a high school dropout without any diplomas. I don't have a driver's license. I don't have any goals or ambitions in this society. Yet, I don't care.

I do what I want. I'm my own person, bro, and you should be so too. I know I know, easier said than done, and I'm given to understand that you're still a teenager? So your position is a bit different.

I'm 23, and have my own apartment, and a job (dairy farming). But, I actually like it this way. I don't work that much, I can afford my apartment, and I sit around here most of the time, writing programs and playing the PS3.

I did NOTHING of what was expected of me, and I turned out alright, friend. You'll be fine, I assure you.

EDIT:

NEVER be upset with yourself just because you don't live up to someone's expectation.

If someone tells you "Man, I'm disappointed in you, I expected more from you" - your answer should be "well, that's your problem. Your expectation made you disappointed, not me. It had nothing to do with me, it's all inside your head, this illusion that somehow I should live up to what you think is right."

Edited by Sid
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Daring, do you parents ever express negative opinions on non-heterosexual people? As in do you know for a fact that they might be homophobic? Because if they never say anything bad about them, then chances are that they don't care about them.

Of course, i'm still yet to come out myself, but it's not because i'm uncomfortable with it, it's because i can't find the right moment.

Try starting (or wait for someone else to start) a conversation about sexuality. If your parents don't say anything negative, then you have a chance. When you feel the time is right during the conversation, just calmly tell them that you are bisexual, and whatever you do; do NOT make it sound like a big deal (this will just make you seem weak and uncomfortable with yourself).

Even if they did feel negatively about gays and bi's, chances are they wouldn't feel bad about their son. If anything they'll change their views

I did say that they attended the homosexual wedding of a cousin of mine all the way out in Colorado, so I don't think so. However, I'm not sure how they'd take their son being somewhere in between homo- and heterosexuality. If I told them prior to 2005 (before I had an understanding of sexuality) they probably would have hated me due to their Catholic beliefs back then and me not fitting "the Bible definition of sexuality" (because I obviously care about that so much.) Not sure about now, but based on how well they're taking the brony thing these days...

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NEVER be upset with yourself just because you don't live up to someone's expectation.

If someone tells you "Man, I'm disappointed in you, I expected more from you" - your answer should be "well, that's your problem. Your expectation made you disappointed, not me. It had nothing to do with me, it's all inside your head, this illusion that somehow I should live up to what you think is right."

Yes, but having high standards is what keeps me trying so hard.

I know that if I fail I will feel bad, so I work my hardest to prevent failure. It just bothers me when someone, who's opinion I value greatly, feels that I disappointed them and that I will never be able to improve or achieve greater than what I have before.

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NEVER be upset with yourself just because you don't live up to someone's expectation.

If someone tells you "Man, I'm disappointed in you, I expected more from you" - your answer should be "well, that's your problem. Your expectation made you disappointed, not me. It had nothing to do with me, it's all inside your head, this illusion that somehow I should live up to what you think is right."

Yes, but having high standards is what keeps me trying so hard.

I know that if I fail I will feel bad, so I work my hardest to prevent failure. It just bothers me when someone, who's opinion I value greatly, feels that I disappointed them and that I will never be able to improve or achieve greater than what I have before.

Parents have a tendency to hide their real opinions from their kids sometimes. Many fathers are proud of their sons, but they're not always willing to tell the son that, something I've never really understood. My father has never been very complimentary of me and tends to be critical, even highly critical, but people tell me he says very good things about me when I'm not around. Once in a blue moon, he will give me a very nice compliment. For the ones that are like that, it seems like most parents do end up telling their kids exactly how much they love them at some point. My point is if your parents see the kid that I see, then they definitely love you; they just have an odd way of showing it.

Edited by Crooner

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@ Sonic

Dear I understand exactly how you feel with your parents. I have been nothing but a big disappoint to the both of them cause I am trying to follow my dream of being a writer.

Nothing and I mean Nothing is good enough for them.

My parents have even gone as far as to say mr.k would leave me cause I am such a failure. It hurts when the people who are suppose to love you unconditionally think those things. Really hurts. I have horrible self esteem issues.

Ask Mr. K

However, I'm doing what I am doing for me not them. I will be a writer even if it kills me and when I succeed they can bite my half korean ass.

That being said I still love them cause they are my parents I just have to remember that what they visioned me as is not who I am.

If you ever feel like talking you know I am always here.

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@ Sonic

Dear I understand exactly how you feel with your parents. I have been nothing but a big disappoint to the both of them cause I am trying to follow my dream of being a writer.

Nothing and I mean Nothing is good enough for them.

My parents have even gone as far as to say mr.k would leave me cause I am such a failure. It hurts when the people who are suppose to love you unconditionally think those things. Really hurts. I have horrible self esteem issues.

Ask Mr. K

However, I'm doing what I am doing for me not them. I will be a writer even if it kills me and when I succeed they can bite my half korean ass.

That being said I still love them cause they are my parents I just have to remember that what they visioned me as is not who I am.

If you ever feel like talking you know I am always here.

Thank you Mrs. K...Thank you very much...

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Had my psych appointment. The good news is I'm not schizophrenic.

The other results aren't so great. OCD, mild psychotic hallucinations, and petit mal seizures. That's the current theory. I'm going to have an EEG at some point to verify/rule out the seizure theory.

On one hand, it'll be nice to have an explanation for those episodes. On the other hand, it's kind of scary. Seizures? But now that it's been explained, it really does match the sensation.

At this point, I'm still not sure what all this means for me. New angles for therapy I suppose. Probably seizure meds if the EEG confirms. I've also got a prescription for an antipsychotic. Not sure about that one. The list of possible side effects makes wonde if it's worth it? The hallucinations usually aren't that bad.

But at least I think I'm done. I've now discussed all the significant disturbing things that have run through my brain. Surely I'm done being diagnosed with new things. I hope.

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Well Pixel, on the topic of seizures, I've had a few absent seizures in the past due to my medicine. I zoned out and couldn't take control of my body, similar to sleep paralysis. It can be scary when you are stuck there for what seems like a long time or you are in a dangerous or new environment. Hell, I had an absent seizure on a job site. I was exhausted from breaking a wall with a sledgehammer, so I just sat down on a cinderblock to take a breather, I was in a trance state for at least 15 minutes and it felt closer to 45.

On the topic of OCD, I believe everyone has it, to varying degrees. I can be very OCD about some things, but not care about others. I wouldn't take it too seriously, since pretty much everyone has it to some degree.

The mild psychotic hallucinations? As long as you don't don a gas mask and fireproof suit and spraying cherub versions of people with rainbows, then I think you are good.

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Yeah, if the hallucinations aren't really bothering you or setting yourself or anyone else in danger you might wanna skip that one if it have nasty side effects. Either way, happy to hear you are not schizophrenic and that you are getting close to be done with the diagnoses and all that by now. *hugs*

Also sorry for not being online before you went offline on Steam, apparently I wasn't entirely over my illness just yet and passed out on the sofa with a massive headache.

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Thanks guys. It's interesting to hear your take in the seizures Malt. Mine seem to come in different flavors. The first I mistook for some kind of spiritual experience. It felt like my soul rejoining my body. There is short convulsion, followed by about 10-30 seconds of near total amnesia. Then memories tickle back in and I remember who I am,where I am, why I'm there, etc. But the sensation lingers on as sort of a hazy surreal feeling for up to half an hour.

The other is a sudden jolt through the brain, like lightning hit me or getting hit with a ball bat, sometimes with lights. I'll stagger if I'm walking, and be a bit confused and spacey for a bit afterward. Then I feel fine, except maybe tired.

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Sigh... I just to get this off of my chest.

As of now, I am going my last year of education in the nightmare that is the Norwegian school system, which for some awful reason lasts a extra year compared to all education facilities everywhere elsewhere in the world, and I am not really sure if I will make it.

I am sick and tired of everything all the time, for every day that goes I feel more and more useless. As you guys should know by now my PTSD related to hardcore bullying and harassment in school is probably one of the main reasons for this, and even if I study at home I still get teachers over and the feeling of education in itself makes me feel rotten. Imagine if someone shot your dog and you have to meet this person every day so he could laugh at you and make fun of your dogs death, that is how I feel about all this.

I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in dear lord knows how long, I fall asleep but I am not getting any rest, and I wake up just as tired as I was the night before. Usually when I was tired at least resting on the sofa managed to help, but we threw out our old comfy one and now have this really uncomfortable one that is only meant to look nice but not meant to actually sit on. I just feel I got no way to find rest anymore which really doesn't help all my stress from everything else.

On top of that, feeling like a prisoner inside of yourself, while also feeling like a prisoner in your own home, at the same time as feeling guilty for feeling like a prisoner and it gives so much stress you wish you didn't feel that way is just awful. I am a grown person, I am legally an adult, yet my parents demand I report to them and tell them where I am at all times and threat me like a bloody kid. The only way I am acting "like a kid" would be that I react poorly to stress and sometimes goes all Fluttershy in certain situations, but I would hardly call that acting like a kid as much as acting like someone with mental issues, which I indeed have.

Feeling confused about myself too... found out my mother doesn't hate me for being transgendered, but rather is worried about me because she don't want me to have it harder in life than I already have. Makes me feel so guilty about feeling like I do, and makes me feel uncomfortable thinking about it. Others feelings and opinions have way to much a influence at me sometimes. I still feel like I do, but it have gone from a happy feeling of finding myself to a bad feeling of worrying my own mother and possibly setting myself into more bullying.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

EDIT: Oh yeah, the fact that music is my passion in life and that musically nothing is happening with anything is also making me feel useless. I miss playing in a band.

Edited by Nikki Lyra

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Endure.

That's the only advice I can give you because it's the only thing I know how to do when all else fails. It might sound hollow, and maybe it is. But it's all I got for you.

There's nothing that a human being can do better than overcome adversity through endurance.

When you are through with school it sounds like your next step is to establish some independence for yourself. Living apart from your parents will be liberating in many ways but challenging in many others. Endure those too. On your own your opportunities to improve yourself and your situation in general will increase.

Sucks to hear, I'm sure, but there's not much else you can do. There's no quick fix to yours, or anybody else's situation beyond blind luck and that's not especially reliable.

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What Dollop said. Also, if you feel you need to elaborate on those kinds of problems, I'm almost always on steam, so you can shoot me a message whenever you feel down. And I know one day I'll have the money to come visit you in Norway and give you a real hug. *hugs*

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It really doesn't sound like your parents are treating you as a kid though.

My parents still do that to me and my brothers

It just shows that they are trying to care for your well being. It's scary to know that someone that you care about is outside and you don't know where they are or you can't make any sort of contact with them whatsoever.

Also, I agree with dollop. You kind of have to power through things.

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Sound, that was absolutely beautiful. All my quotes seem to be either depressing or simply not to be taken seriously

Anyway, Nikki, i feel great sorrow for you. All that sh*t you listed would just push me over the edge. You shouldn't feel guilty about any of those things you said made you feel guilt, most of them are in no way your fault. For sleep, i'd recommend have a nice relaxing bath, reading a book, or doing other such things that either relax your body and/or ease your mind.

And just remember, i'm almost always on Skype, or you can PM me if you need me

Edited by Pencil Doodle®
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