2079 posts in this topic

It's weird, I have incredible fun on the servers, quite exhilarated when playing and having fun, being silly as I inevitably get the ponyhale's rage upon me and makes me scream like a broken squeekie toy tossed into a blender.

 

But I wonder if others sometimes have the same feeling, that the more you hang around people and more fun you have, when you leave the server to do other things, or have to because life and its obligations, that one feels more alone then before.

 

Long story short as possible, I have grown up not having a single friend, secluded myself in study and personal research of psychology and matters of the mind and had to grow up fast to survive. When I am not on the edge of my seat in the servers spouting and having fun, I find myself alone, talking helps, but sadly not much. I have a strong will, but just sometimes, sadness just is what the day will be, and sometimes I just wait for the day to end.

 

Sometimes I think way to much over things, a wonder that keeps me going and holds me back, but I finally decided to post to see if others have similar experience with this. I seek no pity, nor added attention, I have lived with this so long and plan on going on without causing myself harm, I just wonder if others have the same feeling.

 

(It may sound sad to have no friends, but once you've grown up with it, it just is how one lives, and I have no idea how to live any other way.)

 

Again my long drooling typing only would go for a lot longer if my brain let me, but I will end it here.

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Oh boy, prepare yourself for a doozy people, this is a big rant that needs to be let out at some people. No names will be given.

 

------------------------------------

 

To those whom it concerns.

 

I want you to know, that the feelings of animosity that you hold towards me is extremely immature and selfish. I have done nothing, but try and be nice to you and to mend the issues I have brought upon you. I have freely admitted my faults, but have also stated why they happened, most of these were beyond my control, but still you decided to act like douchebags to me and treat me like I'm a bad guy here. Countless times I said I was sorry and it still wasn't good enough for you? What more did you want from me? I also asked that multiple times over and yet you just glared at me and shots daggers my way. I never deserved this kind of treatment for what I did and yet you exploit it and just try to make me feel worse than I was already feeling.

I love making friends as much as you did, yet the way you treated me and everyone else since that incident is nothing more than immaturity on your fault. You call me overly emotional? Look at you! You said you're nice and love making friends. MAKING FRIENDS MY ASS YOU F**KING HYPOCRITE! You are nothing more than a lying asshole of a bitch who is under the guise of a friendly face, thinking you can treat everyone else like nothing bad ever happened in your life. It's pathetic. Your actions towards me had brought about depression to me and the consolation of my friends has not done a whole lot to make me feel any better since you broke up the friendship.

 

What, didn't think I would act like this to? You think I'm overly emotional? Well guess what, twat, when my own anger builds up, you better back the f**k up, because I am no longer someone you want to be around and so help me, if we ever meet in person, I will personally beat the love and tolerance into your f**king skull until you're bleeding apologies from every orifice from your shitstain you call a head, because I'm done being nice to you. You wanted an enemy? You got one, and this enemy is looking for some recompense.

 

So unless you come back and acknowledge the selfishness you have displayed to me and everyone I know and apologize, I will not play nice cop anymore.

 

------

 

Ugh, I hate being angry... .-.;

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I'm sad.

 

I'm sad because we are so easily broken, but so hard to fix. Because every day, people are hurt. They are mistreated, abused, and they are ruined because of it. A child who is taught that it is worthless will have that belief ingrained in it, and that belief will always be there. That child will have a damaged view of the world, and they will suffer for it.

 

A child who is abused will learn to fear and distrust humanity, because that abuse is all they have ever known. How can a child be happy if they are shown how cruel the world can be before they've ever known love? Abusive parents ruin the lives of their children before they have a chance.

 

As we develop, we are shaping our beliefs and our views of the world in our youth. Children are so vulnerable, even teenagers. ...And they're so easy to break, especially if they feel alone. When I was young, I didn't understand how badly someone could be hurt by bullying. I didn't know that another child's view of the world or themselves could be damaged by the words or actions of another.

 

I'm sad because children and teenagers are bullied and abused, and it damages them. I'm sad because someone who is different or alone is hurt because they are alone or because they are different. Ignorant and uncaring children meet those differences with abuse and mockery, and it only deepens the problems of their target. To feel more alone, more unwanted, and more worthless. ...And a lot of adults are no better.

 

I'm sad because people are hurt and mistreated over their race, their sex, their beliefs, and their orientation. Humanity is a hateful and ignorant thing, and there is no point in any of this.

 

I'm sad because religions preach hateful beliefs that entirely miss the point, twisting what should be a message of love into a weapon to further their own hateful beliefs. I'm sad because humans hate other humans because they are different from them. Because of the color of their skin, or their origin, or the way they dress, or talk, or even the things they like.

 

I can't help humanity because I can't change anyone's beliefs. I can't enlighten ignorant, hateful humans because they don't know that they're wrong. They see the world they way that they do, and they think that they're right, and that they are good.

 

I'm sad because genocide needs to be a word, and I'm sad because monsters are real but they don't look funny, and they're not just there to be battled by heroes. I'm sad because humanity invented cruelty, and sometimes it's better to be dead than alive, and I'm sad because animals are not safe from any of this.

 

I'm sad because the world is a fucked up place and there's nothing that I can do to make it better. I can't fix anyone who is broken, I can't stop wars, I can't stop hatred, I can't help ignorance to end, and I can't keep anyone I love safe from any of this.

 

...And I'm sad because I am no better. When I was younger, I mistreated someone. That person is no longer mentally well, and I think that I may be to blame. I think that I made someone hateful and ruined their chance of being themselves.

 

I'm sad, and I'm sorry.

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